


Pain and Heaven

by lls_mutant



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: 5 Things, Foursome, Masturbation, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-02
Updated: 2010-05-02
Packaged: 2017-10-09 06:32:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/84089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lls_mutant/pseuds/lls_mutant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Five sexual encounters that never happened in "A Lot to Live Up To", and five that did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pain and Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> This works best if you've read the universe I write, which currently consists of [Youth's Final Luxury](http://lls-mutant.livejournal.com/201542.html#cutid1) / [A Lot to Live Up To](http://lls-mutant.livejournal.com/238772.html#cutid1) / [Softly Tread the Sand Below Your Feet](http://lls-mutant.livejournal.com/229875.html#cutid1). If you haven't, it's still plenty easy to follow along as that universe follows canon, with some additions that don't affect the outcomes of the story RDM told. Written for the [](http://community.livejournal.com/bsg_pornbattle/profile)[**bsg_pornbattle**](http://community.livejournal.com/bsg_pornbattle/).

**How it Could Have Been After the Attacks on the Colonies…**

Dee didn't smoke, but now seemed like as good a time as ever to start. She took the cigarette Felix extended to her, took a small drag and promptly burst into a spasm of coughing.

"Maybe you should stick to the booze instead," Felix suggested.

They were sitting in a storage room, on crates marked _Toilet Paper_, side by side, pressed together at shoulder and thigh. A bottle of whiskey kept changing hands.

"I can't sleep," Dee complained. "I keep thinking that they're coming for us again. Every time I drift off, I jerk back awake and look at the clock. If it's been more than thirty three minutes, I can get back to sleep, but if it hasn't, I can't."

Felix nodded. "It keeps hitting me, too" he confessed. "I'm fine when I'm working, but every time I have a quiet moment, I think of another thing that's gone. The last one was Apranee cookies. There might be some in the Fleet, but do you realize no one will ever be able to make another Apranee cookie again? Those were my favorites. Every time I think I can go forward, I remember something else I'll never do again or never get to do at all."

"I always wanted to visit the temples on Leonis," Dee said. "They're supposed to be beautiful."

Felix nodded. "I always wanted to go parasailing."

"I always wanted to try duck liver."

"You know what I never did? I never saw _The Prince's Return._ It's a classic, and everyone says it's one of the best movies ever made, and I never saw it," Felix sighed.

Dee took a drink and grinned, setting the bottle between their legs. "I never read the Risblen Chronicles." Felix looked at her blankly. "They're a Sagittaron fantasy novel. Very popular. Religious porn."

"Oh." Felix looked vaguely intrigued by that. "I never climbed Mount Nike."

"I never got to go to University."

Felix picked up the bottle and took a drink at that one. "I never jumped out of a plane," he said.

Dee drank. "I never went skinnydipping."

Felix grinned wolfishly, and then drank. Then he laughed. "I've never had sex with a woman," he said. Dee drank. "Wait, what?"

"Once," Dee said, laughing at his expression. "Back in my last year of school. It wasn't all it's cracked up to be." She studied him. "I've never had sex with a man," she said, taking another drink because she was fully lying.

Felix didn't reach for the bottle.

"No. NO! Felix, you're joking. You are not-"

"I'm not," he said, shifting uncomfortably. "I mean, I've fooled around a bit. But it just never…" he shrugged. "You didn't see me in high school," he said. "Believe me, you wouldn't have frakked me, either."

"So you're a-"

"Don't say it so loud!"

"No one's going to hear us!" She turned on the crate. "You could really die a virgin," she said, not sure if she was amused or horrified.

"Well, yeah." He flushed. "You can stop laughing at me now, Dee."

"No. No, I can't," she said. "But this is a serious matter."

"If it was serious, you wouldn't be laughing so- hey. Hey! What are you doing?" he asked, as she got up on her knees and took his rank pins off his collar.

"Making it so I don't break regulations."

"What, you think if the pins aren't on, I'm not a lieutenant and you're not an NCO?"

"For the next ten minutes, yes."

Felix took a moment to process that. Then, "Ten minutes?"

Dee grinned, beginning to unbutton her jacket. "Prove me wrong?" she suggested.

Felix swallowed hard, and then nodded. Dee shrugged off her jacket, straddled over his lap, and went to work on his.

Felix caught her hands in his. "Why are you doing this?" he asked her quietly.

"I'm drunk," she admitted. "I'm alone. And I just want to forget all the things we've lost."

"If we got caught, we'd get into so much trouble for this," he said. But he released her, and now his hands were hesitantly ghosting over her ribcage, like he was afraid to touch.

"Then," Dee said, leaning over so their foreheads touched, "you'll have to try not to scream." She kissed him.

Felix was an awkward kisser, and she soon discovered he was an even more awkward lover. But at the same time, he was eager and he was willing to be led, and Dee appreciated those traits greatly. She set the pace with his arms wrapped around her and his body warm and alive under her hands. It ended with him breathing hard into her shoulder, and then letting her guide his hand to where it could be a little more useful. Felix Gaeta had always been a fast learner at anything he touched, and Dee quickly found out that this was no different. His fingers were gentle but firm, and she came quickly, her thighs trembling as she gasped his name.

"There," she said as she climbed off his lap, her legs still shaking. "At least there was one thing you got to cross off your 'I never' list."

"Yeah." He looked at her with wide eyes, then shook his head and laughed. "It wasn't quite how I expected it, but…" he glanced down, realized his pants were still halfway down his thighs, and hastily pulled them back up. "Um, thanks?"

Dee laughed. "Thank _you_. I might actually sleep tonight."

 

**And How It Really Was….**

 

There were pictures in his locker, just a few. Noel looked at them. That sunset on the beach of Scorpia… it was gone, tainted by nuclear bombs. His mother? She was gone, vaporized in a cloud of smoke if she was lucky. He hoped she had been. Chris and Kara and their baby, Donis and Annie, Tom… gone, gone, gone. He threw the pictures into the locker and slammed the door shut as hard as he could. Everything was gone.

He'd never go back to Scorpia, never go back to Gemenon, never go back to Leonis… at least, if he did, his only purpose would be to kill Cylons. And if he had his way, he'd kill every last-

He punched the locker again, because it was easier than thinking.

_Anything_ was easier than thinking.

The hatch swung open, and Noel turned to see who the intruder was, and then froze. Louis stood there, looking at him silently. Louis, who hadn't entered this rack in the past two years, whom he'd barely spoken to… but had been aware of every time they were in the same room.

"I heard you were injured," Noel said, and around the lump in his throat.

"Not badly," Louis answered.

Noel closed his eyes for just a moment. "I'm glad," he said, and then he closed the space between them in three swift steps, pulling Louis in roughly and kissing him hard. The smell of him, the taste of him… even the feel of him- Louis still kissed the same after all this time- were so familiar. Louis kissed him back, just as hard, wrapping his arms around Noel's neck. Noel pushed him up against a locker, grabbing his hand and slamming it against the metal. Louis moaned, and his hips bucked against Noel's.

"You're alive," Noel whispered into his neck, his hands beginning to work at Louis's pants. "You're alive, you're safe, you're _here_."

There was no response for that, and he knew it was because Louis understood exactly what he meant. Louis shoved Noel's pants down and waited impatiently while Noel kicked them off and then fumbled in a locker for lube. He pushed Louis back up against the locker and hooked one of Louis's legs around his own waist and then entered him in one smooth thrust. There was no real foreplay, no hesitation, just a familiar hot friction as they fell back into their old rhythms, their old dance. Louis's fingernails were clawing his back, but he didn't care. He drove in, his face against Louis's neck as he held him up against the locker. This was safety, this was shelter, even if it was only temporary.

They found themselves on the floor afterwards, shoulder to shoulder, both gasping for breath.

"Wow," Noel said.

"Yeah. Wow."

"That was…"

Louis shook his head. "They say every cloud has a silver lining. I guess the silver lining for the apocalypse is survival sex."

Noel laughed breathlessly, his hand settling on Louis's knee. "You haven't changed much, have you?" he asked.

"We've been on the same ship for the past two years, Noel."

"But we haven't spoken."

"Not if we could help it, no."

Noel rubbed his face with his free hand. "Maybe we should. Maybe we should…"

"Don't even say it," Louis warned, readjusting his clothing.

Noel shrugged. "All right. But the one thing these bastards did was make us remember, remember everything that's lost. And when you remember how you loved one of the few people that's left…."

"I know." They sat in silence for a long while.

"We could try again," Louis finally said into the silence. "It won't work, but we could try."

Noel's hand fumbled for his. "It's all we've got left. At least until we get through the worst of it."

Their hands were joined, but the silence still stretched on.

 

**How it Could Have Been after New Caprica….**

 

There was another funeral. Cole Taylor, former Colonial Fleet captain and _Pegasus_ Viper pilot, CAG, husband and friend. And another name that Felix has given the Eight, another person he'd tried to save and couldn't.

The service ended, and he turned away, one of the first to leave the room. He'd barely known the man being remembered, but he felt he owed it to him to be there.

"Hey."

Felix picked up his pace a little. Word of what he'd done on New Caprica was streaking around the ship, but Felix didn't fully believe the Admiral when he promised that there would be no more vigilante justice. He rounded a corner.

"Hey!" the man was getting closer. "Gaeta, I'm talking to you!"

He realized he wouldn't run right at the same time that his pursuer grabbed his arm and turned him around. _Narcho_, his mind supplied, another _Pegasus_ pilot. "What do you want?" he asked dully.

Narcho pulled back and punched him, sending Felix reeling. Or he would have, if Narcho hadn't still had a death grip on his arm. He came up, tasting blood in his mouth.

"What the frak?" he asked, but it didn't have the fire it should have. He touched his lips with his free hand, glaring at Narcho.

Narcho shoved him against a wall, looked around, and spotted the causeway door. He opened it quickly and yanked Felix inside. "There," he said, breathing hard. "I've been wanting to do that since I found out Cole died."

"Well," Felix said, shrugging. "Then you're good." He broke out of Narcho's grip and tried to walk by him.

"No, I'm not," Narcho said, blocking his path.

"What do you want from me?" Felix asked. "I can't bring him back to life."

"I know." Narcho was sizing him up, looking up and down his body with a narrow-eyed glance. "I'm not asking you to."

"Then what are you asking?"

Narcho yanked him close and kissed him. It took Felix a minute to realize that was what he was doing, because although his mouth was on his, it was sharp and biting, bruising in its intensity. He pushed Narcho away.

"Forgive me if I find this a bit confusing," he sneered, his heart pounding harder. Because he wasn't sure if he was afraid, and what was more, he wasn't sure if he wanted to be.

"Then don't think about it," Narcho ordered. He seized Felix's head and held him still as he kissed him again. "Because I've been wanting to do that since I first saw you." He lined their bodies up, chest to chest, hip to hip, thigh to thigh.

Felix closed his eyes. "Then do it," he said, because he recognized the note of desperation that he'd once felt, too. He couldn't give Narcho his friend back, he couldn't bring people back to life, he couldn't even share a memory or offer proper consolation. All he could give was this moment.

Narcho's hands were on him, and Felix obediently melded to him, although he had to admit it felt good to have someone touching him like this. As he opened his mouth under Narcho's, it dawned on him that someone _wanted_ him. Wanted him alive, wanted him not out the airlock, wanted whatever this was. Obedience melted to heat, and Felix began to kiss back fiercely. Narcho's body was shaking under his hands, with arousal and with something else.

Felix shoved him up against the wall, dropping to his knees. Narcho nodded, and Felix undid the fly of Narcho's pants, sliding them down his hips. Narcho wasn't as ready for this as he was pretending; he was only half hard, and his hand on Felix's head was gentler than the rest of his demeanor would have implied. So not just vengeance, but solace and consolation.

Felix could give all three.

He took Narcho into his mouth, choking a bit as they tried to figure out each other's rhythms with no communication at all. They found one that worked together and Felix let himself move, the grating hard under his knees as he knelt in front of this man he barely knew. He fumbled for the fly of his own pants, because taking care of himself was the only way this could go if it was going to be right. He felt Narcho's body curl as he looked down, and fingers ran gently over his ear for a moment. Felix ignored it.

He closed his eyes, taking Narcho as deep as he could, barely refraining from gagging. In a strange way, it felt good, and he reveled in the discomfort. Narcho began to thrust harder, and Felix's hand moved faster as they both submitted to each other.

Narcho came first, Felix made sure of that. He swallowed hard, and then let himself come. There was relief, but no real pleasure in it, and that made it right in itself.

For a long moment he leaned his head against Narcho's abdomen, Narcho's hand on his shoulder. He was gentle now, moving his fingers over Felix's uniform, stroking his curls carefully.

"You did what you could," Narcho whispered.

Felix looked up at him. "But it wasn't enough." He stood up, fastening his pants. "See you around, Narcho."

And he was gone before Narcho could say a word.

 

**And How It Really Was….**

 

"He really made a remote control car?" Felix laughed as they walked down the hall.

"Noel's good with his hands," Louis said, in the tone of someone closing the subject. He laced their fingers together. "But I'm much more interested in seeing how good you are with yours."

"You're on."

They managed to get the hatch open, and to Felix's relief the racks were empty. He glanced quickly at Louis, decided hell with propriety, and kicked off his boots, tossing them outside of the hatch. The fact that Louis's boots landed next to his less than a half a second later only confirmed that he was reading this exactly right. He pushed the hatch closed, and they stared at each other, standing in their full uniforms and stocking feet.

"Okay," Felix said, feeling awkward for the first time since they'd started talking that evening. "Now what?"

Louis laughed and closed the distance between them, cupping Felix's cheek. "I think we should just get down to what we came in here to do," he said, and kissed Felix.

Louis kissed sweetly, completely straightforward. There was nothing to figure out here, no hidden agenda like there had been with Gaius or the Eight. Just passion and desire born from mutual liking. Felix relaxed into Louis's embrace, responding to him eagerly. Louis moaned into his mouth, sending a chill down Felix's spine.

They helped each other out of their uniforms, laughing as they got tripped up on underwear and socks, stripping off each other's tanks, learning each other's bodies eagerly. Felix discovered that Louis had ticklish ribs, and that the hollows of his hips were extremely sensitive. Louis caught on that kissing Felix's neck was a surefire way to get him to agree to just about _anything_.

"So what do you want to do?" Louis asked, sitting down on his rack and pulling Felix into his lap, teasing his neck with his lips.

_What do you want to do?_ The question made Felix almost stop in his tracks, because while he'd be the first to say his previous experiences had been entirely consensual, _What do_ you _want to do?_ was not a question either Gaius or the Eight had ever asked.

He shrugged. "Whatever you want to do."

"That's not an answer," Louis murmured. He ran his hands down Felix's arms, and then one skimmed across his stomach and down to lightly stroke his erection. Felix shuddered at the firm but gentle touch that Louis was using.

"It's an answer," Felix managed to say. He shifted, more than willing to return the favor. Louis was hard and hot under his hands, and he swallowed hard as Felix's fingers traced his shaft.

"It's not the answer I was looking for," Louis finally said.

"Well, then, what answer were you looking for?"

"The truth."

"The truth." Felix opened his mouth to continue, but no words came out. For a moment, he just sat still.

Louis's eyes narrowed, just a little bit, and then before Felix could react, he pushed him down onto the rack. "Okay," he said. "I'll decide then." He lay down beside Felix and kissed him, hard. For a moment, Felix's heartbeat accelerated in the fear of the unknown, but Louis wasn't exactly the sort of person you feared. More like the kind you trusted.

Louis turned Felix on his side, so they were facing each other, and then got up to his knees, reversing his own position. "This okay?" he asked, from down near Felix's hips.

"Yeah," Felix said, a little breathless because he couldn't remember the last time he'd actually gotten a blow job. And when Louis's lips closed over his cock, it took a moment of serious control not to come right then and there. He closed his eyes, thought hard about Bill Adama, and was able to step back from the brink long enough to slide his lips down Louis's erection.

It wasn't easy, because Louis knew _exactly_ what he was doing. He used just the right amount of suction, and his tongue moved in a way Felix loved but could never quite master. He tried to keep up, but eventually he had to fall back, releasing Louis and gripping the pillow, twisting the pillowcase in his fists. He came with a gasp, and he was in no way imagining the very smug expression on Louis's face as he pulled away and swallowed, wiping his mouth on his forearm. Felix's eyes widened.

"That," he managed to gasp, "was really hot."

Louis's grin widened. "Hot?" he laughed. "Not something I hear often."

"It was," Felix insisted. He took a deep breath, and turned back up onto his side. "Sorry I lost my train of thought there," he apologized, before he took Louis into his mouth again.

He shouldn't be thinking of an old lover when he was with a new one, but he couldn't help it, just for a moment. He'd done this for Gaius so many times on New Caprica, but this was so different. Not just the taste or the scent or the shape, but the intent. Louis's fingers tangled in his hair not as a demand, but as a gentle caress, and he was careful to keep from thrusting too hard into Felix's mouth. And, of course, Louis had already reciprocated. Gaius had never been that unselfish to do something like that for him. The thought that this man truly wanted _him_, wanted Felix Gaeta and not just a warm, wet place to stick his cock, sent lightning down his nerves and pushed him up to his knees. He rearranged himself and Louis so they were both more comfortable, and gently gripped Louis's wrists, bringing his hands back to retangle themselves in his hair.

It didn't take long for Louis to come, and Felix felt that familiar thrill, the same satisfaction that had been evident on Louis's face.

He crawled up the length of Louis's body, and Louis wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close. Felix draped his free arm heavily over Louis's waist. "Thank you," he said quietly. "That was exactly what I needed."

"I know," Louis said. He kissed Felix gently, and they both lingered in that kiss for a long time. When it broke, Louis touched Felix's cheek. "It's what we both needed."

Felix wanted to look away, but the sincerity in Louis's eyes caught and held him tight. "Yeah," he finally agreed. "What now?"

Louis shrugged. "Stay," he said simply. "Stay for the night."

Felix smiled and laid his head down on Louis's chest. "I can do that."

 

**How It Could Have Been After Dee Lost the Baby…**

 

Lee was out late again. Dee knew she shouldn't be surprised, but she was anyway. She sat down at the table, rubbing her forehead and staring at the scratched surface.

There was a knock on the hatch.

"Come in," Dee called, her brow furrowing. She was a little surprised to see Louis enter. "Hey," she said. "What's up?"

Louis shrugged. "Couldn't sleep," he admitted. "I thought I'd see how you were doing."

"Thanks." Dee floundered. She and Louis were speaking, but their friendship was still… strained. She gestured to the seat across from her. "Have a seat."

He pulled out the chair and sat down, and Dee wondered how he could make a simple act like sitting look so awkward. There was a slightly formal air about him, like he wasn't sure how this was supposed to work, either.

"Would you like something to drink?" Dee finally asked.

"Thank you."

"Wine?"

"Sounds good. Although I'm afraid I'll be a cheap date."

"Well, just as well then," Dee said. She got up and poured two glasses, and returned to sit across from him. He took his glass, and she drank from hers gratefully.

Forty five minutes and two glasses of wine each later, they were both laughing.

"So how does it end?" Dee asked.

"Very boringly, to tell the truth. She went in and got her son, and we could communicate just fine, he let me use the phone and I eventually got back into my apartment. But little old ladies… if the Fleet was made up entirely of them, the Cylons would never stand a chance."

"And Gods know the Admiral wouldn't."

They both laughed at the image of Adama and Tigh being chased around the halls of _Galactica_ by little old ladies wielding canes and handbags.

"Want another glass?" Dee offered as she drained hers.

Louis hesitated, and then held his out. "I'll regret this, I'm sure, but all right."

Dee split the remaining contents of the bottle between their two glasses and settled back down. As she did, her knees brushed against Louis's under the table. He didn't seem to notice, staring down as he twisted the glass between his fingers.

"I probably shouldn't ask," he began, "but have you talked to the Admiral much?"

"I assume you don't mean about Communications."

"It was his grandchild," Louis said softly. There was a way he could have said it that it would have sounded accusing and hurtful, but his voice was gentle and sad and Dee knew he didn't mean it to hurt like this.

But it did, and the laughter fled the room.

Dee blinked hard, looking away. "I haven't," she admitted. "I'm not sure how much he thinks about it, if you want the truth."

"I'm sorry," Louis said awkwardly. "I shouldn't have said-"

"I think about it, though," she rushed on. "I think about it every time I look at him. That it should have been… that I should be…."

"Dee…."

Dee shook her head, wiping futily at her eyes. "You know what else is awful?" she said.

"What?"

"Sex."

"Sex," Louis repeated dryly. "Sex is awful."

Dee sighed. "With me and Lee, I mean. Ever since this happened, it just… it…" she thought of how the sex was now, so often stiff and awkward, with Lee afraid that he'd hurt her and both of them terrified that something would happen to break their hearts again. She pushed the wine aside and buried her face in her arms and began to cry.

"Dee," Louis said helplessly.

"I'm sorry," Dee said, looking up and trying to mop her face. "It's the wine. Normally I don't…."

"I know you don't." Louis looked around and found a handkerchief. "Come here," he ordered, tilting her face up to the light.

As soon as he touched her face, they both felt it.

The feeling of his fingers on her skin shot through Dee like… well, no. Not like lightning. It was the furthest thing from what she felt when she was with Lee. Louis's touch spread over her skin like a gentle warm breeze. It warmed her, it comforted her, but it was hardly electrifying.

She leaned forward and kissed him on the lips.

His lips were dry and chapped, and at first it wasn't a kiss, only the pressure of contact. Then his hand tentatively came up to cup the back of her head, and his tongue touched her bottom lip, and the kiss deepened.

He kissed gently, softly, and Dee found that if she wasn't careful it made him draw back like he was in pain. She let her hand slide up his arm, and as she did, his hands drifted down to her waist and he pulled her closer.

Somehow they found themselves on the bed, naked and lying together, side by side, his arm draped over her.

"You sure about this?" he whispered in her ear.

"No," she whispered back. "Are you?"

"No. But tonight…" he cupped her cheek, his thumb smoothing over her skin. "Just tonight." He pushed her back onto the bed, nudging her legs apart with his knee. She reached down and guided him in, and then tipped her head back as he moved inside her.

With Lee, every thrust shot through her and sex was heady and intoxicating, the kind where she got lost in a whirlpool. Everything would fall into place naturally, everything he did _worked_. With Louis, it was like riding a gentle wave. It was okay, there was pleasure there and she couldn't deny it, but her world didn't black out and explode into supernovas, and she wasn't left breathless. But his forearms were tight around her and his hands caressed her shoulders, and when she opened her eyes she saw that he was watching her.

He smiled, just an awkward half smile that flashed before he closed his eyes again and buried his face in the crook of her neck, still moving.

It lasted for what felt like a long time but would probably be minutes, until the muscles in his back tightened under her hands and goosebumps rose on his skin. He let out a shaking breath, finally stilling, and came to a rest against her. She kept her cheek against his, breathing in the closeness and not wanting him to pull away.

He did pull away a bit, pulling out and falling down beside her. "Was it okay for you?" he asked. What he meant was _did you come?_

"Yes," Dee said with a smile. It was a truthful answer to the first question and a lie with regards to the second, but he didn't have to know that. Because an orgasm wasn't what she had been looking for, when all was said and done. What she needed was this here, now. His hand on her arm, running up and down the length of it. His eyes fixed on her face, wide and warm. And the smile he gave her, the one that stripped away his professional veneer and showed what he was really thinking.

Dee smiled back.

"Don't let me fall asleep here," Louis warned.

It was good advice, but as Dee nestled against his chest, she really wished she could.

 

**And How It Really Was….**

 

Lee's breathing evened out, and he began to snore softly. Dee looked at him from the corner of her eye, and then turned her head. Lee was definitely asleep. She moved experimentally, and he didn't stir. She nudged him gently. He snuffled, turned onto his side, and began snoring again.

Dee sighed, and to be honest, she was relieved.

Sex tonight hadn't been the disaster it was the first time since she'd lost the baby, but it still had been… less than satisfactory. A little painful, and Lee was a little too gentle, and a little too much distance between them. It would take time, that's what everyone had assured her. This was normal.

But tonight, she'd _really_ been in the mood.

At least Lee was asleep now. He would take so much offense, and Dee wasn't looking for an argument- just an orgasm. She scooted away from him, lying on her back and closing her eyes. Her hand drifted down between her legs, sliding into her underwear, and her fingers began to move.

Nothing.

She looked at Lee, and then imagined his body against hers, his hands on her roughly, his mouth devouring hers. But the image shifted into earlier that night, when he was tentative and unsure, almost fearful. When for once they just didn't fit together, but moved awkwardly and mechanically. No, Lee couldn't get it done for real tonight, and he wasn't going to work for a fantasy, either.

She huffed her frustration. She drummed her fingers against herself, feeling only pressure, no sensation.

She tried to imagine Helo. Helo, with his chiseled chest and abs, muscled arms, and high cheekbones, was absolutely perfect fantasy fodder. She imagined being in the shower and Helo coming in, his hands moving over her wet body as he pushed her up against the cold wall, kissing her and wrapping her legs around his waist….

And it became Lee again, and once again his face was concerned and his hands were timid.

Dee growled at the ceiling. This was getting ridiculous.

All right then, a fantasy that didn't involve her. She paused, thinking, her fingers circling idly. Helo and Athena… nothing. Chief and Cally… she almost giggled. A scene from that porno that she'd liked (too corny), or the one she'd watched with Felix a few years before (she could still hear him crunching popcorn), or that movie with the guy who (but the girl- ick)… Nothing, nothing, nothing. How hard was it to get off?

For some reason, she remembered a few days ago, when she'd caught Louis and Felix kissing. They'd been in the head and thought they were alone until Dee had come out of a stall. Felix had been sitting on the sinks, legs spread, Louis standing between them. They hadn't gotten far, but they were obviously planning to, judging by their flustered expressions when they looked at her.

A little thrill shivered down her spine and pooled in her stomach.

She paused for just a moment, a little alarmed at the thought of getting off to the image of _Felix and Louis_ frakking. But when her fingers twitched she felt something, the fire racing through her nerves and making her hips move a little. Okay, then.

In real life, she'd apologized hastily and hustled out, and they'd broken apart, embarrassed. But what if she'd stayed?

Shit, no. That didn't quite work. It was too… well, she couldn't really picture Felix and Louis tearing at each other's clothes and getting all…

Well, it was just that she'd _seen_ Louis naked, and frankly, although he wasn't bad, Felix was obviously going for personality over appearance.

Now, Noel… Noel was cut. That was… hey, wait. What if it had been _Noel_ that walked in on them?

_Don't stop on my account_ was what Noel would have said, giving them that leer as he washed his hands in the sink right next to them. He'd watch them in the mirror with interest.

And Felix would be feeling a bit predatory, she imagined. She knew he worried about that a little, that Noel was around and hot and he and Louis had such a history. So he'd pull Louis into a kiss again, right in front of Noel, just to assert that Louis was _his_, that he was the possessor.

And Noel would just laugh and say _You're doing it wrong._

_Oh yeah?_ Felix would challenge.

_Yeah,_ Noel would say. _Louis, come here._

And because no matter what they told her, Dee still saw something between Louis and Noel, and Louis was damn _lucky_ to have two guys like Felix and Noel into him, he'd come over and let Noel kiss him. It would be different- Dee was pretty confident that Noel would be a better kisser than Felix, and he and Louis had the past and it would be rougher, more familiar, and Noel would open his eyes to gauge Felix's reaction.

And Felix wouldn't like it, but when Louis released Noel and retreated back to Felix's arms, it would make this kiss worth it.

This was _good_. Dee tipped her head back, her eyes screwed shut, and stifled her moan with her free hand.

Louis was perceptive, he'd see what was going on. And he'd make it clear to Noel as to who he was choosing. Felix was still sitting on the sink- Louis would drop to his knees and- well, wait, Dee moved them to the benches- yeah, that was better. Louis would drop to his hands and his knees and undo Felix's pants, pulling them down. She didn't really want to picture what Felix looked like with an erection, so Louis went straight to work, and she pictured Felix watching Noel with that satisfied, superior smirk that he had.

But nothing would put Noel Allison off, and he'd interpret it as an invitation. Which, of course, it would be exactly how Felix and Louis would have intended it.

There would be no talking- they'd all just _know_. Dee shuddered at that thought, and her fingers quickened even more. Noel would find- ah, frak, it didn't matter, this was a fantasy damn it- he'd just pull Louis's pants down and push in, and Louis would moan and take it, and all of them would be moving….

And then it was _her_ with Felix's cock in her mouth and Noel up her ass because she'd always wanted to try that and Lee had a _thing_ about that and she knew it would be-

She came, convulsing around her fingers and shaking in a glory of white light and pure pleasure, biting on her other hand and keeping her body as still as possible to avoid waking her husband.

Her body began to relax and she breathed deeply, easing her hand out of her underwear and idly wiping her fingers on the sheets. "Oh, my Gods," Dee whispered to the room at large. Then she began to giggle. If Felix, Louis, and Noel even suspected… but they wouldn't.

She stretched, her limbs growing heavy with sexual satisfaction, and her eyes finally beginning to close. That was _exactly_ what she had needed tonight.

And beside her, Lee slept on.

 

**How It Could Have Been After Baltar's Trial…**

 

The thing was, he'd never expected this to happen.

Noel had known from a very young age that he liked men. It had been as simple as he liked peanut butter and he couldn't stand classical music. And it had garnered exactly as much attention. It was just the way his life was.

So when had this happened?

Noel watched Dee sitting at the bar at Joe's, her legs crossed as she perched on a stool, staring disconsolately at her drink. He swallowed hard and ambled over, smiling at her as he sat down beside her.

"Is this seat taken?"

Dee summoned a smile. "I think so, but not by anyone I know. As far as I'm concerned, you're a cut above whoever it was."

"Very flattering." He slid onto the stool, and Joe poured him a whiskey. He downed it quickly. "One hell of a day, wasn't it?"

"Understatement," Dee agreed.

Between the trial, the Cylon attack, and the reappearance of one presumably dead Kara Thrace, understatement was an understatement in itself.

Dee downed her drink. "Want to get out of here?" she asked him.

Did he _ever_. It was too bad she didn't mean it like that.

"We've both said it a million times," Dee sighed as they made their way through the crowded corridors, "but I really miss the bike."

"I do, too," Noel agreed fervently. "It seems a sin to say it today, but I actually miss New Caprica."

"I know what you mean." Dee opened the door to the officer's racks. It was empty. "I do, too."

It was so easy back then, when Dee had been the XO and he'd been one of the pilots. They'd spent time alone because Dee was trying to keep that professional distance from the crew and he'd been… well, he'd been, and he'd been better off keeping busy. That was before the Cylons invaded, before humanity came back to the Fleet, before their lives turned upside down again. Before Louis, before Felix, before losing the promotion, before… before realizing this.

Dee smiled at him and sat down at the table. "I've got cards," she said. "Want to play?"

"Does anyone ever do anything else on this ship?" Noel asked.

"Well, it's cards or hangman," Dee laughed.

"Get the paper. We're playing hangman."

"You're joking."

"I'm not. If I have to play one more hand of triad, I swear I'm taking my Viper and letting the toasters shoot me down."

"Hangman it is, then." Dee found a piece of paper and drew the gallows.

It was a silly idea, but Noel wouldn't have gone back to the bar. Not with Dee sitting right beside him, her knee brushing against his under the table, her laugh low in his ears. It was good to hear her laugh again- it felt like he'd been worrying about her for months.

_Corporal Venner. Erin Mathias. Cole Taylor. Battlestar Persephone. Caprica City, Caprica. Third Man Out. Cylons suck. Adama's hot ass. Tigh's empty eye socket. Starbuck is a zombie._ They got more ludicrous as they played on. But when Noel stared at the one Dee was giving him now, he thought there was now way he could be reading it right.

It said _ RA _ ME NO_. He swallowed, and looked at Dee, who was looking at him expectantly.

"Frak me now?" he guessed.

"You've got it." Dee filled in the blanks, tracing over the letters so they were dark and bold. "Do you want to?"

"Yeah. I do." Noel leaned over the table and kissed her. Dee kissed back, hard, and he could tell she'd been waiting for this for a while. She tasted like alcohol, but he'd see Dee drunk before and this wasn't it. He settled back down on his seat, pulling Dee across his lap.

Dee's hands were on his shoulders, moving down his back, undoing his pants. His erection was about five steps ahead of him and responding eagerly, and Noel firmly told the rest of himself to get into the game. This was not a chance he wanted to lose, because Gods knew if it would ever come again. He reached around and tried to unzip her dress.

"Don't bother," Dee murmured against his throat. "There are advantages to skirts." And when he slid his hand up her thigh, he discovered that there certainly were, and she wasn't wearing underwear and she was already wet.

Oh, Gods.

Dee grinned at his stunned expression, but her smile was sly and hungry. "I just need to get frakked," she told him. "Hard."

Noel nodded, and stood up, positioning her so her hands were on the table in front of them. "I can do that," he assured her. He pushed up her skirt, nudged her legs apart, and pushed in.

He'd never had sex with a woman before, but he was beginning to get what all those other guys were going on about. Dee was soft and hot, and he groaned as she bucked her hips back against him.

"Come on, Noel. Harder," she ordered, and he obeyed, driving in harder and faster. Dee was a completely responsive lover, and he managed to hold off until he saw her shoulders shaking and her head thrown back, and she was gasping in release. Then he lost it himself, bending forward and gripping her wrists as he came, her hair against his cheek and her breathing in his ear. He shifted, cradling her in his arms, and sat back down, with Dee back in his lap.

Dee pushed her hair back off her face. "I needed that," she told him.

"I love you," he answered.

They both froze.

She was stunned, yes, but it wasn't the incredulous look of hearing a long-felt affection returned unexpectedly. Rather, it was _that_ look. The one that was more like _Oh my Gods, what did I just step in and what did I just DO?_

"Ha, ha," Noel said, punching her arm. "Got ya. I'm just joking, Dee."

Her body relaxed against him, and she smiled. "You had me going there for a minute."

"Dee, you are the first woman I've ever had sex with. No offense, but you'll probably be the last. Do you really think I'm serious?"

Dee laughed. "I guess not." She curled up, resting her head on his shoulder.

Noel looked away, because the last thing he needed was for Dee to see the expression on his face, and to figure out that he hadn't been lying before, and he sure as hell was lying now.

 

**And How It Really Was….**

 

They slammed the door to the officers' racks in, barely getting it closed behind them before Felix was on him again, his mouth devouring him. Louis let him, kissing back just as fiercely because that was what Felix needed. Not that it was difficult.

Felix pulled away just slightly, begging with his eyes. Louis didn't even have to ask him to clarify; he grabbed him by the shoulders and turned him around roughly, and pulled his pants down only as far as they needed to go.

No preparation, no stretching, no foreplay. That wasn't what Felix was after, although Louis did take a minute to grab the lube, even if Felix growled deep in his throat at him. He was willing to play this game to a point, but he wasn't willing to inflict real damage. Felix turned around to face him, challenging him. Louis grabbed his shoulders and jerked him around to face the table. Felix twisted out of his grasp and turned again, and Louis struck him across the face.

It made him sick, but it was also exactly what Felix wanted. If it wasn't, Louis would have been on the floor right now with Felix walking out the door, not grasping Felix's wrists and bending him over the table. Not pushing into him, frakking him as hard as he could, hearing Felix call his name. _This is what Felix needs_, he kept telling himself over and over. _This was what Felix needs._ And he could give him that.

He could give him the roughness, give him the loss of control. He could give the punishment and the pain, give the anger and the betrayal. Anyone could, he supposed, because they'd all lost so much. But not everyone had stood on the deck of the _Pegasus_, and not everyone had found his commanding officer's body, and not everyone sent soldiers to their possible deaths every time the Cylons attacked. Not everyone could handle this.

He could, and all he had to do to get there was to imagine Felix's face whenever Gaius Baltar's name was said. Then it became easy to give Felix exactly what he needed right now. He leaned over Felix's back, sweat dripping off his hair as he pounded into Felix, eyes closed and biting down on Felix's neck.

But he made sure Felix came first, and that he followed soon after.

They stayed there for a long moment, Felix draped over the table and Louis draped over him, both of them trying to catch their breath. Then Louis pulled out, and put a hand on Felix's shoulder and made him stand.

Felix had gotten what he needed. Now it was his turn.

His fingers ghosted over the marks his teeth had made on Felix's neck. He undressed them both gently, stripping an article of clothing from his own body first, and then the same article from Felix's. He saw the red indentations at Felix's wrists and kissed them gently. Every movement, every caress was a deliberate contrast to the violence before.

When they were both naked, standing in the middle of the room, he cupped Felix's face in his hands. "I love you," he said softly, for the first time.

Felix stared at him, and then looked away, blinking rapidly. "Don't…" he whispered.

"I love you," Louis repeated. He drew Felix's body into his arms. Felix was stiff and unresponsive, but he'd expected that. "I love you," he whispered in Felix's ear. "Come back to me, Felix, from wherever you are. I'm here."

"I can't…" But Felix was softening, letting Louis hold him. "Louis, I can't say it back."

"So you can't say it the identical minute I can. It never works that way in real life." Louis pulled back enough to cup Felix's cheek again and smiled. "But it doesn't change facts."

"Don't." Felix rubbed at his eyes. "This isn't… you don't deserve this."

"No, I don't. Not after what I let happen on the _Pegasus_."

"That wasn't what I meant, and you know it."

"I know. But I know what I'm getting myself into. I know _you_." He kissed one of Felix's cheeks, and then the other, and then his lips. Softly, gently, lips closed and barely touching. "I know I'm not the love of your life. I know I'm not your great passion. But we wouldn't be here now if you didn't want me to love you, and if you didn't think that one day you'll love me. I don't want you to lie to me, Felix. I just want you to let me tell the truth."

Felix shook his head. "You don't want to do this," he said, and at least now he was forming full sentences, his voice calmer and more confident. "You don't want to live loving me more than I love you."

"You're not him." Louis sighed. "And you say that like I never loved anyone. May I remind you that I almost got married?"

Felix blinked, and Louis breathed a sigh of relief as he saw reason and alertness come back to Felix's eyes. "That's right," Felix said, like he was waking up from a long dream. "Isn't it strange how I forget?"

"Yeah, well I don't. And I don't want to." He ran his hands down Felix's bare arms. "Don't take this for more than it is, Felix. My feelings won't alter destiny or prove the Gods exist or find Earth or whatever the frak the love songs say. This is just me, loving you."

Felix nodded. "I can't say it now," he said.

"I know."

He pressed himself into Louis's arms, and Louis held him close as Felix looked up at him, his eyes earnest and desperate. "But I'll say it someday."

Louis smiled. "I know."

 

**How It Could Have Been When They Found Earth….**

 

"Why did you put the mattress on the floor?" Dee asked, staring down at where Felix and Louis were sitting. Felix was leaning against a locker and Louis was half-reclining between Felix's legs, laying against his chest. A bottle of rough liquor sat beside them, already half-empty.

"It's more comfortable than the rack," Felix said with a shrug. "Less crowded."

"It's also a pain to walk around."

"So don't walk around it." Noel was sitting at the other end, with a bottle of his own. "Join us."

"There's not much room."

"Sure there is," Noel said. He leaned against the opposite locker and spread his legs open. "C'mon, Dee. I've got booze."

"Well, if you've got booze," Dee said. She stripped off her jacket and kicked off her boots like the others, and then settled down between Noel's legs. The truth was that after the past day or two, with Baltar's acquittal reopening all sorts of wounds, Kara's return, and the talk of Earth, anything sounded good right now. She settled against Noel, who was warm and solid and comfortable, and picked up the bottle. Louis pulled his feet up further to make room for her, but after she sat he extended his legs again.

"Hey," Dee said, nudging his calf with her toe.

"I was here first," Louis said smugly. His smugness only increased as Felix casually kissed his neck. Behind her, she felt Noel snort.

"Anyway, Dee," Noel said, handing her the bottle, "the topic of discussion is Earth. Or more accurately, Kara Thrace: zombie, Cylon, or big fat liar?"

"She's not a Cylon," Dee sighed, and then took a swig of whatever it was Noel was drinking. It tasted horrible, but it burned so nicely going down. "There's no frakking way I'd be that lucky."

Felix snorted appreciatively, and took their bottle from Louis. His free hand traced over Louis's arm and down to his hand and fingers, and Dee suspected that all three of them were fairly drunk. "So you think she's right about Earth?" Felix said, handing the bottle back to Louis.

"I'd be more convinced it if was Racetrack saying she'd found Earth," Dee said dryly, and they all laughed at that. "It would be nice if she had, though." She sighed. "I love _Galactica_, but Gods, can you imagine what Earth must be like?"

Louis shrugged. "Actually, no," he admitted. "I don't have the first clue."

"Fresh air, sunsets, and an ocean," Felix said wistfully. "I really want to see an ocean again." He slipped his arms down around Louis. "And houses, instead of racks. _Private_ houses."

Louis blinked, and then looked back at him with an expression Dee almost categorized as incredulous.

"Other people," Noel said. "I wonder what the _people_ on Earth are like."

Dee twisted around in his arms. "What would you like it to be like?"

"I don't know," Noel admitted. "Lots of open space. You know what I'd like? I'd like to find a small town, and just move there with a few people from the Fleet."

"A small town?" Felix asked.

"Sure." Noel began warming to the idea. "A small town on a plain. Something with high grass waving in the wind and farms nearby, and maybe near a desert."

"Um, Noel?" Louis said, "you realize you just put a farm in a desert?"

"Shut up, this is my fantasy. Ranches, then. Is that better?"

"Much. Continue."

"I'd leave the military and open my garage, and not tell anyone in the town where I was really from."

"Anyone?" Felix asked. "You said a few other people from the Fleet."

"Yeah, well, you three would move there and… and start your own ranch."

Louis stared at him, and Dee began to giggle. "Our own ranch?" she said, and decided this required more alcohol. "Us? Ranchers?"

"Sure. You and Louis are both Sagittarons."

"My parents weren't farmers."

"Sure they were. So you two would tame the wild horses that we'd find running in the desert."

"Noel-"

"Shut _up_, Felix. I'm creating here, respect my artistic integrity. We'd find wild horses in the desert, and Dee and Louis could break them because Gods know that if the two of you can break each other, a horse should be no problem. And Felix can do the books for the ranch and my garage, and we'll all live on the edge of town."

"On the same ranch?" Louis said.

"On the same ranch."

Dee considered this. "Okay, and what about you and me? These two are off in their own little world together, but do we get sex and love?"

"Nah," Noel said. "No one from Earth is ever going to understand and we're all frakked up, so let's not bring complications into this."

"All right," Dee said agreeably. "But I'd still like a baby at some point."

"Well, that's no problem," Noel said, draping his arms around her. "We'll knock you up."

"We?" Felix and Louis both asked together.

"Sure, why not? I mean, you guys want kids eventually, right?"

"We'd hardly talked about-"

"Well, you do, in my world. So the four of us live together in one house. And we have sex with Dee- I really think we can all manage that, at least once a month- and eventually she gets pregnant. And then we have a beautiful baby for the four of us to raise, and we never know who the kid's father really is because it's not important. Unless his ears stick out, and then we can all assume it's Louis's."

"Funny," Louis said, kicking Noel.

"I thought so."

"So the four of us live together. Are you and Dee sleeping in the same bed?" Felix asked.

Noel considered this. "Maybe sometimes."

"Won't that be kind of weird, me or Louis having sex with Dee if you're sleeping with her?"

"Nope."

"No?"

"Because every now and then we'd have a foursome."

Louis exploded into laughter, and Felix shook his head. Noel laughed, too, and Dee could feel the vibrations from his chest to her back.

"A foursome," Louis gasped. "Do you have any idea how hard that would be?"

"Do you think so?" Noel asked. "I've never done a foursome."

"Like I have?"

It was about at that point that Dee noticed that Noel was hard, his erection pressing against the small of her back. She did her best to ignore it. "You guys are a bunch of idiots," she said.

"Come on, Dee," Noel said. "You've never thought about it? You and three guys? Well, sort of."

"Hey! Sort of?" Felix demanded.

"Well, yeah, sort of," Noel said. "It's not like we'd all be doing her at once." His arms tightened around Dee. "You know you want to try it."

Dee glanced at Louis, but he'd turned his head and was having some sort of silent communion with Felix, weighing and measuring, and she realized with a start that _they_ were actually considering this, too. Noel's hands began moving on her arms, rubbing up and down gently.

Dee twisted around to say something, but before she could, Noel kissed her. It was a lot gentler than she ever expected Noel to kiss, and as he ran his tongue along her lips, she shivered and admitted that she'd always _known_ he'd be a good kisser, and damn, he was.

He broke the kiss and nuzzled her neck. "Come on, Dee," he said softly. "After everything you've had to go through, you deserve to cut loose and have a little fun."

And the thing was, if Dee was really honest with herself, she _had_ imagined something like this. Not that she'd ever thought it would happen, but these three men had been so close and so dear to her… she found Noel's lips and kissed him back.

He drew her up further into his lap, letting his hands roam over her body. He broke the kiss again and his mouth trailed down her neck. Dee glanced over to see if Louis and Felix were reacting, but they were similarly occupied. She watched them with interest.

Noel laughed quietly, nipping her ear. "This is going to be _fun._"

She smiled wickedly at him, picked up the bottle and took another deep drink. "Something tells me that being drunk for this would be good," she said. She set the bottle down and slid her hands under his tanks, pulling them up off his head. "Or at least tipsy."

"Probably," Noel said. "Especially if you're finally going to get to try anal."

Dee flushed. "Am I happy or horribly embarrassed I ever told you that?"

"I don't know," Noel admitted. "I've heard it can be good for girls, but it's not going to be the same for you as it is for us." He handed her the bottle again and began undoing her pants. "Hey, someone had better put the boots outside the door."

Louis and Felix broke off from their kiss, and did a rock-paper-scissors. Louis lost, sighed, and got up to toss the boots outside the hatch. As he came back, he looked down at Felix, shrugged, and stripped off his own clothing. Felix laughed at him. "Very erotic," he said. "You'd never make it in a porno."

"We're about to do a foursome," Louis pointed out. "I don't think I need to do a fancy striptease to make this fit for a porno."

"Good point," Felix admitted. He reached up and pulled Louis back down. "But I wouldn't mind some help."

"Oh, come on, Felix," Dee said as Noel pulled her pants off. "You can undress yourself."

"So can you," Felix pointed out. He reached over and handed Dee their bottle. "You might need just a bit more."

Dee took it and nearly spit it out. "Good Gods, what are you two drinking?"

Noel took both bottles from her. "That's enough, I think," he said. He ran his hands over her bare ass. "Hey- you guys got anything?"

Louis reached over Felix to his rack and pulled out a small tube and tossed it to Noel. "Just relax," Noel told Dee. "Not that it will be easy."

He arranged Dee on his lap so she was straddling him, facing him, his pants rough against the skin of her thighs. One of his hands was firmly on her back, the other was gently caressing her ass. "Okay," he whispered, "this will probably hurt a little, but the more you relax…" He pushed one finger into her ass.

Dee's eyes flared open and she made a small noise.

"You okay?" Louis asked. Dee nodded, because really, once she got used to it, she was. But he smiled anyway. "The first time is weird for anyone. Believe me- I definitely remember the first time someone shoved a hand up my ass." He scooted closer and rubbed her back with the flat of his hand.

Felix came around as well, sitting next to Noel. He was completely naked now, and his eyes were fixed on hers. "You sure about this, Dee?"

"Would you all quit asking?" Dee laughed. She leaned over a bit, and Felix got it. He leaned over Noel's shoulder and kissed her, open mouthed and wet.

Noel added another finger, and Dee moaned.

But the alcohol was doing its work, and her body didn't fight it. And Louis's caresses- especially as he moved from back to breast- and Felix's kissed relaxed her even more. And when she and Felix broke off, and she looked down to see Felix's hand on Noel's bare arm- just his _arm_\- she squirmed against Noel until he added a third finger.

"You're doing great, Dee," Noel told her, kissing her neck. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah."

Noel pulled his fingers out and gently moved Dee off him, so he could pull off his pants. He then took a moment to kiss Felix, which was hot enough to watch _without_ Louis now kissing her neck and fondling her breasts. When Noel was naked, Louis released her, and she went willingly back to Noel. It was funny, she realized, as she kissed him again. They didn't talk about it, but yeah, it was right for Noel to be the one doing this to her.

Noel smiled at Felix and inclined his head, and then turned her around so her back pressed against his chest. "C'mere," he ordered Louis, crooking his finger at him. Louis looked over his shoulder at Felix, and they had one of those silent conversations again. Felix nodded and smiled.

"Get up on your knees," Noel suggested to Dee. "Good. Now, here…" he prodded her thighs apart a little, and then she felt something wet and warm and blunt pressing at her ass. "You ready?" he asked.

"Stop asking me that," Dee laughed.

"Okay then." Noel pressed in slowly.

Dee cried out a little, because yeah, it _hurt_.

Louis rubbed her arms. "I know," he said, smiling. "But believe me-"

"She doesn't have a prostate, Louis," Felix reminded him. Dee caught sight of him over Louis's shoulder, slicking up his own erection with the lube he must have nicked back from Noel. Felix smiled at her. "How is it?"

"Strange," Dee admitted. Noel wasn't moving yet, just letting her get used to the sensation. "But… but good."

"It's about to get better," Noel said. He looked at Louis. "You ready?"

"Yeah." Louis moved right up close to her, and reached around until he was gripping Noel. "Let's see if we can manage this."

His erection was between her thighs, and he fumbled awkwardly, not being at all familiar with her body, and this not exactly being a beginner position. Dee stifled a giggle. She would have tried to guide him, but there was nowhere to put her hands. But eventually he found his way and slid inside her, and when he did, Dee started to tremble because the addition of a second cock shifted things and changed something. Suddenly Noel was pressed against something inside her that felt _amazing_ and she wondered why the hell every woman didn't try anal sex at least once in her life.

Louis swallowed hard. He met her eyes and smiled, and Dee reached up and clung to his shoulders.

Behind him, Felix pushed in, and all four of them were joined.

"Okay," Louis gasped. "Now what?"

"I don't know about anyone else, but I have to start moving soon, or my thighs are going to give out," Noel said.

"So move."

Noel started to thrust very slowly, and Dee whimpered, burying her head in Louis's shoulder. Felix reached around and stroked her hair, and she felt him begin to move, too. Louis gasped, and his arms twitched as he gripped at Noel.

Noel slipped out.

"Frak," he said, and Dee felt the shift inside her. "We've got to get this coordinated."

"What, like on the count of three?" Felix asked.

"I've got news for you," Louis said, "I don't think I _can_ move."

"And I'm not sure I can get back into this-" Dee was about to say _position_ when Noel pushed back inside her. It was easier this time, and Gods, it felt good. "Never mind," she whispered, giving up on trying to actually _do_ anything. Louis had apparently reached the same conclusion, and his head dropped over hers as they huddled together.

Felix and Noel seemed to work out some sort of rhythm between them, Dee realized much later. All she knew at the time was that somehow, everything got coordinated enough that Louis and Noel were working right against each other, and the friction and the sensation was overwhelming. She was dying of the heat and she was sweating and her legs were trembling with the awkwardness of her position, but none of it mattered because it felt so frakking good. She was the first to come, and she almost bit into Louis's shoulder to keep from screaming.

Felix did something to Louis, and he bucked against Dee. Noel gasped. "What the frak did you just do to him?" he demanded.

Felix's eyes gleamed wickedly. "You don't know?"

"Both of you just shut up and get on with it," Louis said brokenly. "Please."

"Yes, sir," Noel said, and he began moving. He picked up his pace, and then Dee felt him thrust hard into her, and then collapse against her.

Over Louis's shoulder, Felix groaned as well.

Noel slipped out, falling to the mattress and panting for breath. Felix fell down beside him, but Dee realized that Louis was still hard inside her. He smiled apologetically at her. "Too much going on."

"Yeah, I can imagine." Dee grinned and brushed her sweaty hair off her face. But now that she didn't have Noel behind her, she was convinced her legs were going to give out. "Pull out," she suggested, low in his ear. "And lay back."

Louis saw her intent and grinned hugely, and flopped to the mattress with a relieved sigh. Dee crawled over, arranging herself between her legs. "We'll finish it off the easy way." She slid her lips down his erection, and he laid back fully, caressing her shoulders and face. It only took a minute before he came, pulsing against her, his breathing finally evening out.

Dee collapsed, and grinned at Felix and Noel, who were both watching with intent expressions of extreme interest.

"I think Louis won," Felix decided.

Noel opened his mouth to say something, but there was a banging on the hatch. "Come _ON_ already!" someone shouted from outside. "Some of us want to sleep! You've got ten seconds and then I'm opening the hatch!"

Dee and Noel looked at each other, and both of them immediately dove towards her bunk, crashing into it and pulling the privacy curtain, leaving Felix and Louis stranded outside.

The hatch slammed open, and one of the bridge officers came in. Dee peeped out to see his annoyed expression and his look of utter confusion.

"Why the frak is the mattress on the floor?"

All any of them could do was laugh.

 

**And How It Really Was….**

 

The stars weren't around him anymore as constant pinpricks of light; they twinkled above him. Louis closed his eyes as the breeze stirred the high grasses, rippled the water, and brushed over his face. When he opened them, he could see the campfires of the other two hundred and eleven settlers that had come this way to build this little life. The fires were far enough away that they were only dots, and he couldn't hear the conversations.

He turned away from the fires and faced the river, where moonlight dappled patterns on the ripples in the water. He set his flashlight down and sat down on the bank, took off his shoes and socks, and dipped his feet in.

The water was warm enough, and although the common sense part of his brain told him this was one of the dumbest ideas he had ever had, he didn't care. He stood back up, stripped off his clothing, and waded into the water. He waded out to his chest and then ducked his head under and lifted his feet from the sandy bottom.

Some gods must have been watching, because the current was gentle and he wasn't swept away. He broke back up to the surface, smoothing his wet hair back off his face as the moonlight reflected off his wet skin.

They'd been on this planet for three weeks now, and he was bone tired. They all were. The thrill of being on the ground again had worn off, and there was a lot of work to be done. And New Caprica haunted so many of them, despite the differences. Like the fact that Louis could go swimming naked at night without freezing to death. But even with the exhaustion, so many people still had so much hope for their lives.

He wasn't sure he did.

The water felt good, and he plunged under again. It flowed around him, washing away the dust and the dirt, bringing life back to him. A little too much, he discovered, as he began to feel the physical arousal of an erection. He sighed, thinking at first he would ignore it. But between the late night swim and the thoughts lurking on the edges of his mind, it was probably better just to get it over with so he could sleep tonight. He swam over to a rock and hoisted himself out, keeping his feet dangling in the water as he sat.

If he was hoping the breeze would chill him and make the problem go away on its own, he was disappointed.

He sighed again and began, trying to get it over with as fast as he could and not _think._

He couldn't think about anyone in the settlement. It was too soon.

He couldn't think about Felix. It still hurt.

He couldn't remember those years with Noel, because it was not only too soon in that he still loved Felix, but it too soon the feel anything but pain over Noel's death, either.

And he couldn't think about Lee Adama, which had been his failsafe fantasy on the _Pegasus_, because that only made him think of Dee.

His hand moved faster, and he squeezed his eyes shut, curling over into himself as he ran from the memories. He forced his mind blank and focused on the sensation and the sensation only, and he finally came. There was no pleasure, but there was release, and that was enough. There was semen on his hands and tears on his face; he washed everything away with water from the stream.

He sat back on his hands, panting for breath and looking up at the stars again. They were still beautiful, more beautiful and numerous than anything he remembered seeing on any of the Colonies. Gods, he'd give anything not to be alone tonight.

Most nights he'd slept in a tent, the canvas obscuring his view. And most nights he'd fallen right asleep. Tonight, he sat on the rock, naked and dripping, and really let himself stare at the sky. Let himself see the patterns in the stars.

His eyes were drawn to three stars, close together in a line, twinkling brightly.

Stars weren't random. He knew that. Their locations depended on gravities and concentrations, densities and gases. They weren't even necessarily close together. There were light years between them. Stars weren't placed by gods, they weren't the souls of unborn babies, and for fraks' sake they certainly weren't twinkling angels looking down at him. They were balls of gas, burning light years away and that was all.

Louis blinked hard, wiped his eyes on the back of his hand, and looked up at the three stars again. They would be constant, cycling through the seasons and the night sky, but always out there, and always returning.

He got to his feet and picked up his discarded clothing, pulling it on despite the dampness of his body. He ran a hand through his hair, picked up the flashlight, and turned back to the settlement. The firelight looked warmer than it had before, and as he trudged back, he could begin to hear voices.

Louis stood on the edge of the group, watching people talking, laughing, living. This close to the light, the stars didn't shine as much as they did out by the river.

But when he looked up, those three stars were still visible, and he found himself smiling.


End file.
